Friday, October 11, 2013

The 5 Types of People I've Met on OkCupid

First off, I know that I'm outing myself as a member of the OkCupid community by writing this post. To be fair, though, I never really tried to hide my membership on the site. In fact, my username is my actual name, first and last. I had no idea that people zealously guarded their personal information on the site when I signed up. First names are given out sparingly, if at all. If you ever look through my phonebook and see names such as "Honeylover90" or "HandiesnCandies92," you know what's up.

So, yeah, come and find me on OkCupid.

Do your worst. I dare you.

I've been on OkCupid for about four months now and the site has been hit or miss. During my field research I have come across five types of people on OkCupid. Keep in mind that these observations only concern the site's ladies. I couldn't tell you what the men of OkCupid are like, but I assume they look a lot like this:

Type 1 - The Post-High School Hottie:

One big thing I've noticed is that a lot of the site's women are in just graduated from high school. No matter what movies and TV shows will tell you, dating a girl fresh out of high school (or who is still in high school) is not every man's dream. For all the youth and lack of wrinkles/cynicism there is a lot of trouble that comes with dating someone whose biggest accomplishment is acing their SATs.

Here are a few traits all post-high school hotties on OkC share.
  • The post-high school hottie's favorite book is actually the only book they cared about in English class. Nobody north of 19 thinks "To Kill a Mockingbird" is the best book ever. 
  • The post-high school hottie acknowledges their youth (points on the board for honesty) only to then say how mature they are. Being able to juggle a schedule consisting of AP classes and a part-time job as a pizza shop employee is a big sign of maturity:
  • "Alcohol" is listed as one of the six things the post-high school hottie can't live without. Boost: 
    Points on the board for Kingdom Hearts.
All things considered, the post-high school hottie isn't the worst woman you'll find on OkCupid. It can be nice to run with someone who is bright-eyed and bushy-tailed and who hasn't been beaten into a fine pulp by the realities of life. That being said, be prepared to hear relationship talk after date one.

God help you.

Type 2 - The Too-Cool-For-OkC-Chick:

Even in today's age of social media everything, people still find being on a dating site embarrassing. I wholeheartedly understand and do not judge people for feeling that way. I used to, believe you me. I would ruthlessly make fun of friends who were on Christian Mingle and OkCupid. Now that I am one of them, I know better.

Ya gotta do what ya gotta do.

Admitting you're embarrassed to be on a dating site is fine. What isn't cool is acting like you're too cool to be on a dating site you're already a member of! Doing that is the equivalent of showing up to a party that you didn't want to go to and then complaining about how it much sucks. We get it, now shut up and drink some lukewarm Natural Ice.

The too-cool-for-OkC-chick tends to write a lot of stuff in their bio. If you like the news and the weather, this is your girl. However, hidden deep within the bio is a qualifier about how that person doesn't care if you're reading what they wrote and how the site doesn't mean anything to them.  This woman also wonders why you're still reading her profile: 

Seriously? You took the time to rewrite the Old Testament and you wonder why people are reading it? 


The real shame about the too-cool-for-OkC-chick is that she is probably really interesting (if what she wrote about herself is true) and would probably be great to have a drink and a chat with.

Type 3 - "Living It"

Ugh. Nuff said.

Type 4 - The Oversharer:

I fully support people who write a lot on their OkCupid profiles. I actually prefer more information than less. It's nice when a person isn't afraid to share their thoughts, feelings, dreams, etc... 

However, there is a such thing as sharing too much. Chances are you've come across an oversharer, laughed, and then moved on. 

There's nothing wrong with talking about your future plans at length, but did you really feel the need to mention you are slightly bulimic? You were born as a man. Awesome.

These are all things I've actually come across.

I'm all for honesty, but some stuff doesn't need to be shared with the world (imo) right off the bat. "I'm not gay, but you make me wonder..." is definitely one of them.

I'm flattered, but no.

Type 5 - The Normie:

The reality is that the majority of people on OkCupid are normal folks looking to shake things up. Chances are you'll probably encounter more normal people than you will weirdos. 

Wow, No. 5 sure was a letdown, huh?

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